Attend a wedding in Japan: Traditions, useful expressions and mistakes to avoid

Being invited to a wedding in Japan is an honour and a unique opportunity to discover traditions deeply rooted in Japanese culture. But it can also be intimidating when the codes are not known. Dress, money, behavior, expressions to be preferred… Here’s all you need to know to attend a Japanese wedding calmly, whether you were living in Japan or just passing by.

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How’s a Japanese wedding going?

In Japan, legal marriage is an administrative act performed at the town hall. It is not this event that is the subject of a great ceremony: this one, calledkekkonshikiThis may take place several weeks or months later. It takes two main forms:

• The shinto wedding (: a traditional ceremony celebrated in a sanctuary, where the brides wear traditional outfits, including a white kimono for the bride.
• Western-style wedding (: often organized in a chapel or hotel, with white dress and costume, speeches, meals and animations.

In both cases, reception is a highly codified time. The bride can change her outfit several times: from white kimono to colorful kimono, then to a evening dress. Guests are often impressed by this refined succession, but must remain discreet in their own presentation.

How to respond to a wedding invitation in Japan?

Japanese departures are often accompanied by an answer card, on which one must indicate his presence or not, barring the unnecessary mention:

• (goshuuseki):
• (gokesseki): I will not be able to attend

Out of politeness, we also bar the honorary prefix, which is not used to speak of oneself. A space is sometimes provided to indicate allergies or dietary restrictions — otherwise, inform the bride and groom directly.

Important:It is not customary to come with you unless explicitly stated. Even as a couple, you can be invited alone.

Clothing: what to wear?

Discreet elegance is in order. The guests must show their respect by a sober outfit, without ever stealing the star from the bride and groom.

For women:

• Dress covering knees and shoulders, without neckline.
• Avoid white (for bride only) and flashy colors.
• Black is often worn, even by women.
• Closed shoes, modest heel. No sandals.
• Hair tied so long. Provide an elegant coat in winter.

For men:

• Dark suit, white shirt, sober tie (avoid black, associated with burials).
• Well waxed shoes, dark socks.

The wedding gift: how much to give and how?

How many goshugi?

In Japan, we offer a sum of money calledgoshūgiIn a special envelope, theshūgibukuro() This gift is symbolically very important.

Indicative amounts(Yen):

• Student: 10 000
• Friend: 30,000
• Colleague or higher: 30,000 to 50,000
• Near family member: 50,000 or more

How to organize the Goshugi

Money must bein new banknotes, not folded, and inserted into an envelope adorned withmizuhiki(string tied) in a good node, asmusubikiriorawajimusubi, indissoluble union symbols. Avoid the colours associated with mourning (white, grey, yellow), as well as simple knots.

Inside the envelope, the money is placed in a secondary compartment on which you will note your name, address and the amount offered, preferably in formal kanjis (- for 1,- for 2,- for 3…).

Tip:Avoid offering even amounts (e.g. 20,000 yen) that symbolize division. Prefer odd numbers like 10,000, 30,000, 50,000. An exception: 80,000 yen, because the kanji of number 8 is “open”, sign of prosperity.

Upon arrival: delivery of the goshūgi

When you arrive at the reception, you will put the envelope back at the reception, with a slight reverence, holding the envelope with both hands. Your name, address and the amount offered (in traditional kanji, e.g.

Small practical advice: guests often receive a gift in return, thehikidemono. So plan to come light to leave with this often voluminous memory.

What to say (or not to say) to a Japanese marriage?

Here are someexpressions of congratulationsappropriate:

• Congratulations on your wedding.
• A lot of happiness to both.
• May your home be warm and full of smiles.

More formal language(to be used with superiors):

• I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart.
• I wish you all the best.

If you can’t come:

• I’m sorry I couldn’t come.
• I wish you a bright future.

To be avoided absolutely:

• The words related to separation:
• Thekasane kotoba: repeated words that evoke the repetition of events, therefore remarriage.
• A black tie or white or too bright clothes.
• Contact the bride and groom directly in case of last minute cancellation. Instead, call the reception area and send a message of congratulations with your goshūgi.

If you can’t attend the wedding

Even if you cannot be present, it is customary to send your congratulations with an envelopeGoshuugi(usually 10,000 yen in this case). Here is an example of a message:

Congratulations on your wedding. I am sorry I cannot be present. I wish you a bright future.

In case of last minute cancellation, contact directly theplace of the ceremonyand not the brides, who will be too busy on D-day.

Participating in a wedding in Japan is much more than just a world event: it is an opportunity to show your respect and joy in a highly codified setting. By following these advices, you will show not only your goodwill, but also a sincere sensitivity to Japanese culture. And if you’re planning a wedding in Japan, think about being accompanied by a professional: it changes everything.

Si cet article vous a apporté des informations utiles et peut aider d’autres voyageurs à préparer leur séjour, un avis Google en cliquant sur l’image suivante sera toujours apprécié.

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